April 2018
It sounds simple enough, however speaking as someone who has both gone through the planning process as well has witnessed the process as a wedding professional for over 25 years, here is my advice.
1. Read and send back your RSVP card.
This is perhaps the single most annoying thing that guests don’t do. In the weeks leading up to their wedding, a couple has so many things on their mind that reaching out to you about your response card should not be one of them. Don’t assume you can bring a date either. If your invitation is only to you, realize that they have invited you and not you and a date of your choosing. Their budget or size of reception space may simply not allow for all of their single friends to bring a date. I stood up to a wedding years ago and because of their bride and groom’s wishes, two of their single friends ended up dancing and enjoying the reception together and they have been married now for over 20 years with 4 kids. You may actually enjoy yourself more without the burden of bringing someone just for the sake of bringing someone.
2. Put your camera and or phone away during the ceremony.
The couple has hired a professional photographer. Your phone is not going to take better pictures than their photographer. In the process of you and countless other guests sticking your phones up in the air to get your picture, you are possibly ruining the professional photographer’s picture in the process. The clergy typically give your photographer and videographer specific instructions about where they are allowed to capture the moment from so as not to interrupt or disrespect the service. Based on this, their picture may simply be 20 people’s phones in the air with the bride and groom in the background.
3. Respect the couple’s wishes on their wedding day.
As I have said before, planning a wedding is very stressful and most couples I have met over the years really want their guests to have a good time. If you don’t care for their style of wedding, keep it to yourself. If the weather isn’t perfect for their outdoor ceremony, realize that it is only 30 minutes of your day and it will still be ok. They know that it is hot, or humid, or a little chilly, but it has been their vision so be a good guest. If the song that you want is on their Do Not Play list with the band or dj, let it go. They obviously don’t care for the song for one reason or another.
4. Don’t say good bye during the reception.
If you are leaving before the reception is over, don’t interrupt the newlyweds from enjoying their night because you are leaving. Yes, it only takes a minute or two but if they have 150 guests that becomes a lot of goodbye time. Be polite and simply slip out of the reception and let them enjoy their night.
5. Bring a gift or write the check.
Yes the couple getting married wants you to be there but with your acceptance of their invitation is the responsibility of bringing a gift. There are Walgreens and CVS stores on every corner in America with an ATM inside them. You can take 5 minutes to put together a gift for the couple. If you don’t bring a gift, make sure that you send a gift as soon as possible following the wedding.
6. Get there on time.
I know that everyone hates waiting in lines, or sitting in the waiting room at a dr’s office but think about it from the couple’s point of view, they want you there to celebrate. They don’t want to walk into a room filled with partially empty tables or a half filled ceremony location because you didn’t plan accordingly.
7. Turn off your phone.
If you have children home with a baby sitter, I understand the need to be available in the case of an emergency. Recent statistics show that the average American reaches for their smart phone every 6 minutes while they are awake. You can silence your phone and still see if you are needed for any reason.
8. Dance!!!!!!
I know that this sounds so dumb. I also know that no one is going to force you to do anything that you don’t want to do but the biggest fear I see every day meeting with couples is the idea of an empty dance floor. I think they fear that more than how the food will taste. One of the biggest fears that couples have is that their wedding will be boring and the guests will leave early. They may have their “friend” djing and the “friend” is terrible. I have been there and own the t-shirt but there is still no reason that you can’t enjoy a slow song or two with your date or dance a few with your group of friends or family. Think about it from the couple’s point of view. You may actually enjoy yourself in the process.
9. Be brief. If the couple comes around the tables to visit or to say hello or they are hosting a receiving line. Please understand that they can’t have a 15 minute conversation with every guest they have invited. Be brief, wish them well and enjoy the day with them.
10. Take your wedding favor home with you.
I know that you may not need another 3” picture frame in your house. I know that the little champagne bottle may never get consumed but take it home anyhow. The couple is doing their best to show their guests a great evening and they picked these favors because they felt their guests would like them. Don’t leave them at the table with your empty glass from the bar.
Photo courtesy of Fred Fox Studios
If you are reading this, you are obviously involved in a wedding either as the wedding couple or this has been shared with you by someone who wants you to be awesome when you give your toast at a loved one’s wedding.
Your role in the wedding couple’s day includes giving a toast at their reception. If you truly care about your role and this couple; you will spend hours thinking about this toast, writing this toast, and perfecting this toast.
Let’s discuss some things you will need to consider regarding your toast.
- The most important part of giving a toast is to be prepared. The reason that people on television make it look so easy is because they are so prepared that they make it look easy. If you are being trusted to give a toast, DON’T WING IT.
- Be aware of how much you have to drink prior to giving your toast. No one likes a rambling drunk.
- President Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, “Be sincere, be brief, and be seated.” No truer words have ever been spoken. When writing your toast, consider how long it is. You may want to actually rehearse it in a mirror or read it to someone else and time it. Rehearsing it may also help condition you to get through any sincere parts of the toast that may be emotional.
- If you are going to include stories, consider if they will be appreciated by the entire room or just by a very select few. If the answer is a select few, consider sharing them during the rehearsal dinner with the people who will appreciate them the most and on the wedding day, make sure your words are appreciated by everyone.
- Being funny is great if you are a funny person however if you aren’t, you really don’t want to bomb as the “comedian” at someone’s wedding who felt close enough to you to ask you to give a toast. Do not however get raunchy. No one wants to hear about ex’s, and you don’t want to embarrass anyone due to something stupid they may have done in their past.
- Include both members of the couple in your toast. You will inevitably be closer to one of the members of the wedding couple. Make sure your toast is about both of them however.
If the wedding couple has hired quality entertainment, your dj, emcee, or band leader will introduce you when it is time to give your toast. Please watch this 55 second long video and then go back to tweaking your toast so that it does not sound like every single toast that has ever been given at a wedding. When you watch the video you will understand. Enjoy and make your toast awesome.
Have you heard of a first fight box?
Prior to the wedding, you gather a strong wooden wine box, a bottle of wine and two glasses. Then, also before the ceremony, you both sit down separately and write love notes to each other, explaining your feelings on the eve of your wedding day. Each letter then gets sealed in its own envelope. You do not read your beau’s letter. Then, at some point during the ceremony, your officiant explains the process, and the two of you seal the box by taking turns hammering in one nail at a time
When you have your first fight, open it up, pour the wine, go to separate corners, read the love letter & remember what it’s all about.
Photo courtesy of Jennie Andrews Photography.
There is no question that every wedding couple wants a personalized wedding day. They hand pick their favorite songs for the dj, the font used in their invitations, the cake and icing flavors for their wedding cake, etc.
Here is a very personal and interesting way to personalize each table by creating table number cards based on the table number and the corresponding age of the wedding couple in the photographs on each table number card.
Curran Wong went the extra mile when he proposed to his girlfriend, Shari Hakim, at Disneyland in Anaheim, California. Shari is a huge fan of anything Disney, which is why Disneyland was the perfect place for Wong to pop the question.
Shari went to Disneyland every year [growing up],” Wong told The Huffington Post. “In our eight years together, we’ve been through multiple annual passes. I knew what Disney meant to her, and that magic found its way to me.”
Now that you know the background, enjoy the video.